If inferiority complex were a competition, England Cricket Board, also known as Rebuilding In Perpetuity, will win hands down. Even though The Hundred—a new format of cricket sired by England—hasn’t met with an eager anticipation from cricket lovers in the UK, England Cricket Board are leaving no stone unturned in keeping the game bustling with more and more formats to “save” cricket. They have another format in the pipeline called Fast Five or F5.
The paranoid director of England Cricket Board has revealed that the plan is to get “mums and Chavs” interested in the game by introducing more audience-friendly formats. Fast Five will be a five-over format. The LBW law will be abolished for the sake of simplicity, as cricket is very complicated for common people. Commentators will make way for rappers to modernise the game and make it more relatable. They will use swear words, drug references for the sake of realism, as this is how normal people talk in everyday life. Umpires will wear Capri pants, gold chains and oversized baseball caps with the blessings of pimps and gangstas.
If that doesn’t work, they have plans for another format: Double O. It will be a zero-over format which will absolve cricket of its time-honoured sin of extreme long length.
“People complain that cricket is too long,” whined Methodius Head, the director of English Cricket Board Rebuilding In Perpetuity. “What do you say now? We will be quicker than hockey, football and a two-pump chump.”
The paranoid director of England Cricket Board has revealed that the plan is to get “mums and Chavs” interested in the game by introducing more audience-friendly formats. Fast Five will be a five-over format. The LBW law will be abolished for the sake of simplicity, as cricket is very complicated for common people. Commentators will make way for rappers to modernise the game and make it more relatable. They will use swear words, drug references for the sake of realism, as this is how normal people talk in everyday life. Umpires will wear Capri pants, gold chains and oversized baseball caps with the blessings of pimps and gangstas.
If that doesn’t work, they have plans for another format: Double O. It will be a zero-over format which will absolve cricket of its time-honoured sin of extreme long length.
“People complain that cricket is too long,” whined Methodius Head, the director of English Cricket Board Rebuilding In Perpetuity. “What do you say now? We will be quicker than hockey, football and a two-pump chump.”
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