The Butterfly Effect

"The hardest thing to learn in life is which bridge to cross and which to burn."

"Choices are hinges of decision."

"Life is the sum of all your choices."

It all comes down to decisions. It's the butterfly effect. Today I am not referring to my despondent existence but a decision made in a momentary fit of rage that unruffled my 'healing'. By not managing my lunacy I have not only stooped several steps lower, but also deprived myself of the event that I looked forward to regularly since November. Had I not lost my temper, I wouldn't have stayed awake. If I hadn't stayed awake, we wouldn't have met. If we hadn't met, I would have got it.

Those sporadic correspondences have been quite helpful in this unremitting depression. Whenever I am dejected, they come and unwittingly cheer me up. They took care of February. And when the phone call came in March, they again reappeared. On this 13th they would have had a similar effect, but I blew up that opportunity. It was like bowling a no-ball in the final over and losing a match that was mathematically impossible to lose before that. Moreover that burst has left me with deep guilt. A moment of aberration has caused a major upheaval. I keep wondering what have I become.

I am feeling better for the last few hours and I have decided to dedicate myself to an important writing task due later this year. But it's essential that I lie low for a few weeks or a month and continue the chain again.

Quotes:
[1]Edwin Markham and Pythagoras.
[2]David Russell.
[3]Albert Camus.